Hidden

She’s broken

She’s hurt, she looks to him for some comfort, but he pushes her away cause his life is more than just a jumper;
to cuddle to love to keep her warm when she cold, making up excuses treating her like a kid while he screams and scolds.
She’s strong she’s tough but nobody can see. She’s screaming inside from pure agony.
She smiles to mask; to try and hide her feeling, she never thought her life would be so demeaning. 
Her pain screams loud but its nothing we hear, she can never reveal her pain its her one true fear;
for people to judge to know the truth to see inner beasts like monsters behind closets she closes the door and leaves.
She does it for love her love that its deep her hearts torn and the blood it seeps,
it is her biggest secret and only hers to keep.
She brings out the truth of never judge a book by its cover; if you read within the chapters it is hurt you discover
a day of brutality of pain and lies she closes her eyes and prays to God she dies

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STILL

amazing-beauty-trees-landscape-infrared-photography-1-800x534Still.
Like a picture, slight movements of her chest as she inhales the sweetness that is your scent. eyes closed, clutching the sense of calmness that washes over her. A tear like a delicate pearl falls from her eye; It is not sadness but joy that overcomes her, the feeling of freedom, the enjoyment when a warm breeze comes and makes her feel alive, immortal; like nothing and no one can strip her down an rip away this moment. Eyes struggle to open, the fear of seeing different to what she is feeling. A moment so rare so exquisite to see a single tree, with its leaves like feathers and a color so pure, it is radiating, it draws her close. She feels an urge to touch, to feel.
I touch..

I feel..

Still.

Forgotten

Earth has stopped rotating.

Some places still shine from the sun but i am forever left in darkness.


How did my life come to this?

If not for the moon shining there would be nothing but emptiness to remain.

An eternity left in darkness, smiles now hidden, eyes show no color, expressions gone; covered by the shadows.

Sounds of a distant cry; a woman screaming in her agony.

Suffocating call for help.

A woman

Me..

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Broken 

Twisted bones like broken branches. Cracking in its agony 

Eyes like mirrors reflecting you. Never letting anyone see in.

Dead grass underneath 

Dirt beneath nails

Hammer shatters heart 

Dried tears forever marked 

Distressed lungs inhaling poisonous air

Distressed human exhaling sadness 

Broken heart still beats 

Eyes reflect open arms 

Dislocated fingers gripping hope.

Mothers

Motherhood is so HARD. I can’t even remember what my life was like before I had my baby, it’s just a blur. 

Nothing is the same anymore.

-Body hahaha

-Face hahhahahahahha

-Sleeping 😒

Your life is no longer yours well… that’s if your gonna be the full time mother who sits at home counting the cracks in the walls wondering when will my baby SLEEP! your mind won’t stop talking, literally having a conversation with yourself

“Oh look his smiling ahh how cute I wanna bite your chubby face!!”

“This kid is laughing at nothing.. Weird.”

“Wow is that smell coming from him? How can something soo cute produce a smell that bad?”

“Let’s change your nappy stinky. Oh yay now he’s peed on me that’s all I needed pee to go with the vomit on my shirt”

After hours and hours of singing like a fool.

Dancing like a lunatic.

Running back and forth about hmmm let’s say 10000 times, your baby is crying his little lungs off and you’ve done everything in the book and some extras and nothing is working, you actually catch a glimpse of your self In the mirror looking like cousin IT from the Adams family and think… NOTHING because it’s become the new normal!! Now don’t judge me but the one thing that silences the screams is the TV and I know everyone has an opinion about babies watching TV, look if it’s gonna give me a moment of peace and silence and make him happy guess what? I’m gonna let it slide.

Now it’s about 9.30pm and its bed time so you lay near your baby and cuddle while his attempting to rip your face off and screams directly into your ear all you want to do is rip your face off and pluck each eyelash out one by one. Your baby is finally asleep and you look down and have the biggest smile on your face you have one last conversation with yourself.
“I love him. I miss him already! I wanna wake him up. Should I wake him up”

To all the mothers out there

 To my mum.. I must have drove you crazy……