Mothers

Motherhood is so HARD. I can’t even remember what my life was like before I had my baby, it’s just a blur. 

Nothing is the same anymore.

-Body hahaha

-Face hahhahahahahha

-Sleeping 😒

Your life is no longer yours well… that’s if your gonna be the full time mother who sits at home counting the cracks in the walls wondering when will my baby SLEEP! your mind won’t stop talking, literally having a conversation with yourself

“Oh look his smiling ahh how cute I wanna bite your chubby face!!”

“This kid is laughing at nothing.. Weird.”

“Wow is that smell coming from him? How can something soo cute produce a smell that bad?”

“Let’s change your nappy stinky. Oh yay now he’s peed on me that’s all I needed pee to go with the vomit on my shirt”

After hours and hours of singing like a fool.

Dancing like a lunatic.

Running back and forth about hmmm let’s say 10000 times, your baby is crying his little lungs off and you’ve done everything in the book and some extras and nothing is working, you actually catch a glimpse of your self In the mirror looking like cousin IT from the Adams family and think… NOTHING because it’s become the new normal!! Now don’t judge me but the one thing that silences the screams is the TV and I know everyone has an opinion about babies watching TV, look if it’s gonna give me a moment of peace and silence and make him happy guess what? I’m gonna let it slide.

Now it’s about 9.30pm and its bed time so you lay near your baby and cuddle while his attempting to rip your face off and screams directly into your ear all you want to do is rip your face off and pluck each eyelash out one by one. Your baby is finally asleep and you look down and have the biggest smile on your face you have one last conversation with yourself.
“I love him. I miss him already! I wanna wake him up. Should I wake him up”

To all the mothers out there

 To my mum.. I must have drove you crazy……

What Happened

8 months ago I went through something beautiful and traumatic, it is something I will never forget for many reasons.30-11-15 my beautiful boy was brought into this world unaware of the danger we were both just in. 

29-11-15 5 weeks before my due date at precisely 5 am I woke to a pain like I have never felt before; it felt like a sharp knife was plunged into my stomach and a bomb went off inside. Scared and nervous my instinct told me it is not labour but something worse something to be afraid of, I woke my husband and went to emergency department, upon arrival it had gotten so bad I could not walk so I got wheeled up to maternity. I explained my situation and every detail of my pain and they gave me medication to relieve my pain and monitored the baby knowing I was not in labour but to make sure he was ok. The pain became bearable and I was told it was the baby’s head pressing a nerve and I was sent home. I knew something was wrong but there was no sign of baby coming… Until 7.30pm my water broke but something was wrong I was bleeding too much so I rushed to the hospital, all were in shock that I was back so they started to monitor baby and contractions and all were fine and the contractions began to grow hard and strong I stayed for 8 hours bleeding and they done nothing but told me to wait and see because my baby’s heart was strong. Suddenly his heart rate dropped significantly, I was so afraid when the midwives came in it was all a rush to get me into surgery I was being wheeled away, signing papers, listening to what may happen to me and all I could think of was my baby I wanted him safe and sound. The surgeon performed a emergency c section. 

30-11-15 2.44am my son took his first breath of our air. He was premature but not small but because of him being so early they took him straight away I only caught a glimpse of his beautiful face at this point I learned my placenta had ruptured and I was bleeding internally and my baby was suffocating inside. After recovery I was allowed to be with him, to hold him, kiss him and just stare, nothing mattered at that point I would do it all again to have him with me. We are both happy and healthy I thank god everyday for this blessing it may have been dramatic but it was all worth it..